September 11 Remembrance

The view from the pediatrics ward on the fourth floor of the hospital that Tuesday morning was of what I have come to know as “a beautiful Chester County day.” Rolling green hills lay beneath a clear blue sky. The scene provided welcome respite from the stress of having our five-day-old daughter admitted the previous evening to be treated for a jaundice-related issue – a somewhat common condition that did not seem so common to these novice parents. It was only the fourth day of school in my first year as Head of School, but I felt comfortable being with my wife, Melinda, and our daughter knowing that the school was in good hands.

A nurse walked into the room and turned on the television, saying, “You have to see this.” The North Tower of the World Trade Center had been hit by an airplane. Melinda encouraged me to go to school, but I replied that this was happening far enough away that it wouldn’t affect us. Then the second tower was hit.

When I arrived at school minutes later, the administrative team was already gathered in my office and well into developing a plan to handle the situation in our school. Maintaining a mood of calm was imperative. Adults were given space to gather and process the events while taking precautions against sharing information or their reactions with the children, knowing that the manner in which we conducted ourselves would go a long way toward how the children responded.

Several parents arrived on campus throughout the day to check on their children. Some planned to take their children home, but none did. Seeing and feeling the sense of calm and normalcy, they chose to have their children remain, and many of them remained, as well.

The parents who stayed at school joined the teachers and students (except for pre-k and kindergarten, who had a half day) as we gathered in the meeting house before dismissal. I spoke with the children to provide a bare outline of the events in New York, Washington, and Shanksville – at least as we knew them at the time – so that they would not be caught unaware by bits of information that might emerge on their trips home. I asked everyone to hold the victims and the people who had done these acts in the Light and we settled into silent worship.

A letter went home with every child explaining to parents how we had handled the day and how we would continue to address the issue in school. The letter also contained suggestions from John Scardina for how parents might discuss the issue with their children, as they would be taking on the burden of explanation and comfort.

I share this remembrance of September 11, 2001, for a few reasons. First, it is a part of our school’s history that so few of you know, since all but six of our families have joined the school since that time. More importantly, I share this story because of what it says about a precious quality of this school – namely, the child-centered thoughtfulness with which we approach even the most difficult of situations – and because our experience in 2001 informs how we are handling the anniversary ten years later.

The faculty has affirmed that it is most appropriate that we not mark the anniversary in any way. As adults, we mourn the thousands of lives lost, and honor those who responded to the crisis and have dedicated themselves to improving our security since then. Our children, however, are simply too young. Most of them were not even born at the time and, while some may know of the attacks, none of them are fully capable of processing the feelings of uncertainty and fear that would inevitably come from focusing on the event. While the teachers will not be bringing up the subject, we recognize that a child may. Should this occur, the teachers are prepared to address the issue in a manner appropriate to the setting and the ages of their students.

Parents may also want to be prepared to answer questions that children may ask. Some of the advice that John Scardina shared in the letter to parents on September 11, 2001, remains helpful today:

• Limit the amount of information you share to a level appropriate to your own child's age and development.
• Accept your child's feelings for what they are – they may show a wide range of reactions, and your willingness to sit with them and not edit those feelings will be of most help.

To these, I would add that we should monitor our children’s access to all forms of media. Television and radio programs are already on the air, some which include raw footage and detailed descriptions. If you must have the television or radio on, watch and listen together, and do not hesitate to turn it off.

Finally, I recommend these short articles on the KidsHealth from Nemours (A. I. duPont Hospital for Children) web site: How to Talk to Your Child About the News, and Remembering September 11. This second article is written for kids and is appropriate for some of our older students. Parents will find it helpful, too.

Hopes and Dreams for the New Year

Greetings from West Chester Friends School on this first day of school. I have returned to my office after being a part of classroom visits for children in the Early Childhood classes. Students in grades one through five are snuggly settled into their rooms learning the routines that will guide them through the year. There is a palpable sense of joy among all of them, mixed with a bit of nervous energy. I know their teachers are very happy that they are here and the year is underway.

In our family, as with many families, we have first-day-of-school routines: clothes carefully chosen, backpack thoughtfully packed, and a photo at the front door. Many parents gather here at school as the children line-up, call out wishes of good luck as the students enter the building, and then linger for a while together. Today’s rain dampened the picture-perfect ceremonial quality of the morning, but not the excitement.

Indeed, the start of a new school year is always accompanied by great expectations. As parents and teachers, we want the best for our children. But what is it, exactly, that we expect?

What are your hopes and dreams for your child’s school experience? I encourage all of us to pause and answer this for ourselves today. If you are like me, you hope for joyful learning that strengthens their knowledge and skills. I dream of caring relationships that nurtures their social and emotional growth. This sounds utopian, I know, but I have confidence based upon my experience that all of this will happen for them.

I also know that it won’t be perfect. There will be struggles and frustrations in mastering new concepts and behaviors. There will be inevitable conflicts in relationships. I will cringe instinctively when things don’t go well for them. However, if I’m being honest, I know that my hopes and dreams include these experiences, too. I want my children to feel discomfort, and to face conflict . . . and to develop the resilience to handle such situations. I want them to feel free to take risks, and I want them to make mistakes. Otherwise, they will not truly learn.

One blog that I follow is written by Rick Ackerly, an experienced educator and author of The Genius in Children. Rick wrote eloquently about this same topic the other day, and I encourage you to read the full post. He ends with this “blessing for all the children on the first day of school, and every day thereafter:

May you develop the grit to live in life’s tensions, the confidence to learn from conflict, mistakes, disappointment, failure, loneliness and losing, and the skills to find the fun in every day and the love in every person. In the process may you never fall out of love with learning.

I invite you to share your hopes and dreams for the coming year by commenting below.

Manners, Responsibility, Respect . . . and Pride

Last week we enjoyed a series of special events as a celebration of the year-long All-School Unit, “Water, Water Everywhere!” As our students participated and contributed to these events, they demonstrated manners, responsibility and respect, about which we can all be proud.

On Tuesday, guest speaker Nicole Lyddane shared her experiences working with a project that brings fresh water to villages in Kenya that otherwise suffer from extended dry seasons. (Click here for more information and photos from Kenya.) After her visit, Nicole told me that “the kids were great – they were polite and asked great questions.” We often hear this kind of feedback about our students after field trips and special events. We never tire of hearing it, and I wanted to pass it along to you, as well. Good old fashioned manners.

On Wednesday afternoon, as we gathered for the Raindrop Run, students placed donations for the Kenya project in water jugs. These donations, totaling more than $700, have special meaning because they were not just given to them by adults. Rather, the students earned them by doing chores at home over the past couple of weeks. I encourage you to see the bulletin board on the first floor of the classroom building to see the “raindrops” upon which the students listed their chores. Good old fashioned responsibility.

On Thursday, the entire school took a field trip to the Stroud Preserve, just outside of West Chester. Students explored and discovered even the tiniest life forms that live in and around the creeks. They learned from “Teacher Fred,” the preserve manager, about the importance of stewardship. Fred also shared a special guest – a red-eared slider he had found in the marsh. As I observed our students, I saw them responding positively to the expectation that they respect the plants and animals in the preserve – leaving them be so that life can flourish. Good old fashioned respect.

These special events served to bring the whole school together in celebration of our All-School theme. As I reflect on the past week, I am greatly appreciative of the teachers who planned and carried off these meaningful events. And for the students manners, responsibility and respect, I feel a great sense of pride. Good old fashioned pride.

(For pictures from the Raindrop Run and Stroud Preserve, see the slide show to the right.)

Diversity Dialogue

Almost the instant that the invitation went out for the "Open Dialogue on Diversity" last month, it became clear to me that the evening would be productive. The first RSVPs came in quickly and several people expressed how much they were looking forward to the program. I also heard from some who wished they could attend and would be interested to hear how it went. Clearly, diversity was a topic that members of this school community were interested in talking about.

It was a very good turnout on February 9, as more than 25 gathered in the social room. As we went around the circle with introductions, the diversity of the group itself was notable. In addition to the visible differences of gender, age and color, the group included current parents, alumni parents, teachers, administrators, board members, and meeting members. As the discussion progressed, we also learned of different ethnic backgrounds, religions and family structures among us.

As the facilitator, John Scardina established an environment in which participants comfortably shared their perspectives and experiences, despite the fact that most did not know each other all that well before coming into the social room just minutes before. That, in and of itself, made the evening a success for me. And now we plan to build in that success by taking what was shared and moving on to next steps.

Over the course of the evening, the group was asked to respond to three overarching questions:
"When you hear the word diversity, what other words come to mind?"
"What are the strengths of the WCFS community in regards to diversity?"
"What challenges face our community with regards to diversity?"

I invite you to read the responses that have been transcribed from the chart paper by clicking here.

Reading these brief notes (originally captured on chart paper) is hardly the same as hearing them in person in the context of the discussion. I hope, however, that you can still get a good sense of the joys and concerns that were lifted up. In the spirit of "open dialogue," I will let you draw your own conclusions and will refrain from offering my own comments, except to say how affirmed I felt by the strengths and how appreciative I am of the willingness of participants to respectfully name the challenges.

The open dialogue continues with our next meeting tomorrow evening, Wednesday, March 9, at 7:00 in the Social Room. All interested are invited, whether or not you were able to attend last month. We will identify themes from last month's discussion and split into groups, with each group creating actions steps for each theme. We will then follow up with meetings in April and May and plan for work that we know will continue into next school year, and the next, and the next . . . because diversity work is never finished.

Snow Day Thoughts

I hope this finds you well on this beautiful* snowy day. The forecaster I was listening to certainly got it wrong this time! I have come in from shoveling the driveway for the second time, and I know I'll be out there again trying to stay on top of the accumulation. The kids are still in their pajamas, determined to stay that way all day, but I also suspect we will all go outside to play in the snow later on. I hope this unexpected day off has some fun in store for you, too.

Snow shoveling is one of those activities that leaves your mind free to wander, and my mind went back to yesterday when I was visiting kindergarten. Teacher Michelle was reminding the class of our All-School Unit theme of water, all that they had learned about it earlier in the fall, and making the connections to the snow that is all around us now that it is winter. They were beginning an experiment to see what happens to a scoop of snow when it is brought inside and making observations. "I see snow flakes." "I see a branch sticking out." "I see water." I wonder what they learned about the relationship of the various forms of water as they continued to observe.

I much prefer this form of water to a cold rain. I called it "beautiful" before, and I do find it to be that. But I was also aware as I was shoveling that it requires more work than rain and that, come a warming trend, it becomes a very unattractive, slushy, muddy mess. But for now, it is laying a thick, soft and clean blanket over the earth. And it is beautiful.

I know that the students in our upper grades came home yesterday with some homework that will be due tomorrow. But I have another assignment for you all: go outside and enjoy the snow!

A Simple Gift of Song for the New Year

During the months of November and December our Quakerism curriculum focused on the testimony of Simplicity. This testimony is deliberately chosen to counter-balance what can often become of the many holidays we celebrate at this time of year, and to help us be mindful of the simple meanings that are at the heart of these religious and secular celebrations.

The December query for our small Worship Sharing groups was, "Since gifts are not something that must be bought, can you think of a simple gift you can make or do for someone, or that you have given or done in the past?" The query made me think of Christmas caroling, and I explained to the students that this tradition is a very simple way of sharing a gift with others -- the gift of song. We practice this tradition when we carol for our neighbors at The Hickman every year. And, we share gifts among ourselves during Monday morning Gathering, the monthly Meeting for Singing, concerts . . . anytime we sing together.

With this in mind, I offer you all a simple gift of song and images from the past few months, with a wish for the New Year:

"When the lights all shine,
All around the world, they'll glow,
And all will know,
Our journey to peace has begun."

(You'll want to turn the volume up!)

Resilience

My wife, Melinda, gave a card to me about a year ago with a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”

The card sits on my desk and is a helpful reminder that, when faced with even the most difficult decisions, the answers – or at least the road map that leads to those answers – can be found within ourselves.

I thought of the Emerson quote again earlier this week when John Scardina was speaking at the PTO meeting about raising resilient children. In his usual thoughtful and caring way, John acknowledged the natural inclination that many of us have, when our children are faced with challenges, to tell them what to do or to fix the problem for them. Our actions may be well-intentioned. After all, we want our children to be happy, don’t we? However, our taking care of problems for them can actually have the opposite effect in the long-run, keeping our children from developing the resiliency and skills needed to handle difficult decisions as adults.

So, what should we parents do? John’s advice for raising resilient children has been published twice, first back in February by examiner.com. The December issue of Good Housekeeping magazine includes John’s “Resilience Rules” which can be found on his blog.

Helping students develop resiliency and problem solving skills is something our teachers do every day. At this fall’s Back to School Night I had the pleasure of sitting in T. Claire’s room as the parent of a fourth grader, listening to her speak about the importance of resiliency and describing how her routines and expectations serve to cultivate it in her students. I wasn’t watching the clock, but I believe Claire spent more time speaking about building this and other life skills than she did about math and reading – and that was just fine with me.

When I first came to West Chester Friends School ten years ago, one of the primary draws for me was the quality of the faculty and the strength of the academic program they create. Experiencing the school as a parent, as I have for the past six years, my appreciation continues to grow for the ways that our teachers nurture “what lies within.”