Listen!

Last month I wrote about story telling. Recently I’ve been thinking quite a bit about the flip side of story telling: namely, listening.

Active listening is as important a skill as the ability to create, write, and tell stories. If stories (as I wrote last month) help to weave the fabric of our society, bind us together, and are integral to the human experience, then it should go without saying that intentional and focused listening is also right up there on the hierarchy of essential skills.

The encouragement and development of listening skills occurs at West Chester Friends School from the earliest moments of each day. During morning meetings (an integral part of Responsive Classroom), students and teachers first greet each other while making eye contact and using names, taking turns to speak and listen to each other - a simple task that is at the heart of good communication. Morning meetings also include sharing when, again, as much emphasis is placed on listening and asking questions as on whatever is being shared.

Listening is essential to learning experiences throughout the day and is particularly important during special events. When, for example, the fifth grade opened the doors to the Native American museum they created last week, younger students were instructed before entering to be a good audience for the oldest students’ presentations - and they were! Tomorrow, during Grandparents and Special Friends Day, many students will spend time hearing about what school and life in general were like for their elder friends. Such inter-generational conversations are invaluable.

Meeting for Worship is the centerpiece of our week. While some may say that it is simply “sitting in silence,” it can be a much deeper experience. Many Quakers describe meeting as sitting “in expectant waiting,” listening for the “still small voice” that is in each one of us. While the “success” of a meeting does not depend upon whether anyone speaks, it is encouraging when students do rise to share a message - what Quakers call “vocal ministry.” The act of listening to these messages, and taking them with us, play an equal role in the vitality of a meeting.

Last week I had the good fortune to hear Michele Norris, co-host of NPR’s All Things Considered, speak about her new book, The Grace of Silence. In the wake of the 2008 presidential election, she had “set out to write a book exploring America’s hidden conversation about race but changed course when (she) started listening to the hidden conversations in (her) own family.” In several cases, Norris told her audience, she needed to wait patiently for months before some stories were shared. The result of her patience and listening is a compelling memoir, not only of her family, but of a not-so-distant piece of our nation’s story.

From Michele Norris I also learned about the National Day of Listening, which is coming up this Friday. The day was established by StoryCorps as an encouragement to sit and have a meaningful conversation with someone special on the day after Thanksgiving, rather than head to the mall. You may be familiar with StoryCorps’ project to collect audio recordings of interviews as an oral history archive. Trying to accomplish that may be too much for this weekend, but it’s not too much to simply sit with a relative or friend . . . and listen.

This year, the theme for the National Day of Listening is “Thank a teacher,” with the suggestion that we reach out to a favorite teacher - by calling, writing a note, or posting a message on their site - to say, “Thank you for touching my life.”

What better way to show that we were listening?

Will You Tell Me a Story?

“Will you tell me a story?”

These words evoke an image of a young child sitting on a lap or under the covers wishing to hear another tale told by a caring adult – a nostalgic scene that we remember from our childhoods and, if we’re lucky, get to relive in our adulthood as the storytellers.

We all have stories to tell. When we share our experiences by telling and listening to stories, the fabric of our society is woven. Stories bind us together and are integral to the human experience. They inform us about our past and help us make sense of our present. As it turns out, they are also essential to navigating our way in the future. As Daniel Pink explains in his New York Times bestseller, A Whole New Mind, story is one of six right-brained aptitudes that are necessary for success and fulfillment in what he calls the Conceptual Age, and that are often under-emphasized in schools. As we emerge from the Information Age, with facts being “so widely available and instantly accessible, each one becomes less valuable. What begins to matter more,” Pink writes, “is the ability to place these facts in context and to deliver them with emotional impact. And that is the essence of the aptitude of Story – context enriched by emotion . . . a deeper understanding of how we fit in and why that matters.”

Story is a part of our daily lives at WCFS beginning with our youngest students and the earliest minutes of every day. Students begin their day with Morning Meeting which often includes time for children to share what is important to them – their personal stories. Literature is the foundation of everything that we do in the language arts; in order to tell a story, you need to be able to hear and read a story. As students learn to write, they draw first upon personal experiences for subject matter. Third graders learn, record, and pass on their families' stories as part of their study of Immigration. Storytelling is even a part of music classes, where instruments are used to evoke feelings and emotions in the telling of "sound stories." Intergenerational experiences such as Grandparents' Day and visits with our neighbors at The Hickman are reminders that listening is a major (and often overlooked) component of storytelling. This year, the faculty have chosen “Folktales and Legends” to be our all-school theme, placing even greater emphasis on the lessons to be learned from tales of the past.

As members of the WCFS community, we all have stories about our most memorable school experience. One of my favorites is about the birth of our daughter on the first day of school in my first year as Head of School. On the other end of the spectrum, I recently recounted on my blog the story of how, just five days later, we experienced the events of September 11 here at school.

I invite you to share your WCFS stories. In celebration of the school’s 175^th year, we are collecting 175 memories from alumni, alumni parents, current and former faculty and board members, Meeting members, and friends. Any and all memories are welcome from specifics about a particular teacher, activity, subject or event, to something broader (“I loved playing on the lawn.”). Short or lengthy, funny or poignant, we want to hear what you think of when you remember WCFS. The stories will be compiled in a book that will be available for purchase and go in our archive. Some will also be shared on our web site. You may mail your memory to the school, email development@wcfriends.org, or leave a message at 610-696-2820.

Will you tell us a story?

What a Way to Start the Day, the Week, the Year

Every week at West Chester Friends School begins with a celebration of community called “Gathering.” All of the students and teachers form a circle in the schoolyard and greet each other by shaking hands and saying, “Good morning,” with those on either side. Children are encouraged to include their friends’ names and to smile. You can feel the mood lift when there are smiles passing around the circle.

Next, students from each class share a highlight from the previous week or their anticipation of something in the current week. This week, for example, fourth grade announced their Word of the Week (it’s “cygnet,” which means “a young swan”), fifth grade told us that homework had begun, third grade welcomed a new student, second grade shared that they learned a card game to help with math facts, first grade announced that they are making their doves, and kindergarten proclaimed, “Kindergarten is fun!”

The greeting and sharing are elements from the Morning Meeting, an aspect of Responsive Classroom which happens in the kindergarten through fifth grade classrooms every morning (pre-kindergarten introduces these elements later in the year).

Children whose birthdays are coming up in the week hear their name called and receive the well wishes of everyone in the circle. Announcements are then made. These range from reminders of upcoming events to recognition of a job well done. Finally, we sing a song – an uplifting way to transition into the rest of the day.

With this being the first week of school, T. Rege arranged for Sage Larsen ’13 to perform a song that has a wonderful story behind it. Five years ago, when Ellie Kerns ’11 was in first grade studying the Civil Rights Movement with T. Connie, she wrote the song, “Stand Your Ground.” She and her classmates performed the song at Gathering that year, and we have enjoyed it from time to time since then. This summer, Ellie and Sage attended a week-long band camp, during which they rewrote some of the lyrics, wrote the music, performed and recorded a dvd.

Listen to a version of the song with both girls singing. It was recorded in a studio and includes piano and drums in addition to Sage’s guitar. While you listen carefully to the words, imagine Sage standing in the circle with just her acoustic guitar, singing confidently for all of us.

September 11 Remembrance

The view from the pediatrics ward on the fourth floor of the hospital that Tuesday morning was of what I have come to know as “a beautiful Chester County day.” Rolling green hills lay beneath a clear blue sky. The scene provided welcome respite from the stress of having our five-day-old daughter admitted the previous evening to be treated for a jaundice-related issue – a somewhat common condition that did not seem so common to these novice parents. It was only the fourth day of school in my first year as Head of School, but I felt comfortable being with my wife, Melinda, and our daughter knowing that the school was in good hands.

A nurse walked into the room and turned on the television, saying, “You have to see this.” The North Tower of the World Trade Center had been hit by an airplane. Melinda encouraged me to go to school, but I replied that this was happening far enough away that it wouldn’t affect us. Then the second tower was hit.

When I arrived at school minutes later, the administrative team was already gathered in my office and well into developing a plan to handle the situation in our school. Maintaining a mood of calm was imperative. Adults were given space to gather and process the events while taking precautions against sharing information or their reactions with the children, knowing that the manner in which we conducted ourselves would go a long way toward how the children responded.

Several parents arrived on campus throughout the day to check on their children. Some planned to take their children home, but none did. Seeing and feeling the sense of calm and normalcy, they chose to have their children remain, and many of them remained, as well.

The parents who stayed at school joined the teachers and students (except for pre-k and kindergarten, who had a half day) as we gathered in the meeting house before dismissal. I spoke with the children to provide a bare outline of the events in New York, Washington, and Shanksville – at least as we knew them at the time – so that they would not be caught unaware by bits of information that might emerge on their trips home. I asked everyone to hold the victims and the people who had done these acts in the Light and we settled into silent worship.

A letter went home with every child explaining to parents how we had handled the day and how we would continue to address the issue in school. The letter also contained suggestions from John Scardina for how parents might discuss the issue with their children, as they would be taking on the burden of explanation and comfort.

I share this remembrance of September 11, 2001, for a few reasons. First, it is a part of our school’s history that so few of you know, since all but six of our families have joined the school since that time. More importantly, I share this story because of what it says about a precious quality of this school – namely, the child-centered thoughtfulness with which we approach even the most difficult of situations – and because our experience in 2001 informs how we are handling the anniversary ten years later.

The faculty has affirmed that it is most appropriate that we not mark the anniversary in any way. As adults, we mourn the thousands of lives lost, and honor those who responded to the crisis and have dedicated themselves to improving our security since then. Our children, however, are simply too young. Most of them were not even born at the time and, while some may know of the attacks, none of them are fully capable of processing the feelings of uncertainty and fear that would inevitably come from focusing on the event. While the teachers will not be bringing up the subject, we recognize that a child may. Should this occur, the teachers are prepared to address the issue in a manner appropriate to the setting and the ages of their students.

Parents may also want to be prepared to answer questions that children may ask. Some of the advice that John Scardina shared in the letter to parents on September 11, 2001, remains helpful today:

• Limit the amount of information you share to a level appropriate to your own child's age and development.
• Accept your child's feelings for what they are – they may show a wide range of reactions, and your willingness to sit with them and not edit those feelings will be of most help.

To these, I would add that we should monitor our children’s access to all forms of media. Television and radio programs are already on the air, some which include raw footage and detailed descriptions. If you must have the television or radio on, watch and listen together, and do not hesitate to turn it off.

Finally, I recommend these short articles on the KidsHealth from Nemours (A. I. duPont Hospital for Children) web site: How to Talk to Your Child About the News, and Remembering September 11. This second article is written for kids and is appropriate for some of our older students. Parents will find it helpful, too.

Hopes and Dreams for the New Year

Greetings from West Chester Friends School on this first day of school. I have returned to my office after being a part of classroom visits for children in the Early Childhood classes. Students in grades one through five are snuggly settled into their rooms learning the routines that will guide them through the year. There is a palpable sense of joy among all of them, mixed with a bit of nervous energy. I know their teachers are very happy that they are here and the year is underway.

In our family, as with many families, we have first-day-of-school routines: clothes carefully chosen, backpack thoughtfully packed, and a photo at the front door. Many parents gather here at school as the children line-up, call out wishes of good luck as the students enter the building, and then linger for a while together. Today’s rain dampened the picture-perfect ceremonial quality of the morning, but not the excitement.

Indeed, the start of a new school year is always accompanied by great expectations. As parents and teachers, we want the best for our children. But what is it, exactly, that we expect?

What are your hopes and dreams for your child’s school experience? I encourage all of us to pause and answer this for ourselves today. If you are like me, you hope for joyful learning that strengthens their knowledge and skills. I dream of caring relationships that nurtures their social and emotional growth. This sounds utopian, I know, but I have confidence based upon my experience that all of this will happen for them.

I also know that it won’t be perfect. There will be struggles and frustrations in mastering new concepts and behaviors. There will be inevitable conflicts in relationships. I will cringe instinctively when things don’t go well for them. However, if I’m being honest, I know that my hopes and dreams include these experiences, too. I want my children to feel discomfort, and to face conflict . . . and to develop the resilience to handle such situations. I want them to feel free to take risks, and I want them to make mistakes. Otherwise, they will not truly learn.

One blog that I follow is written by Rick Ackerly, an experienced educator and author of The Genius in Children. Rick wrote eloquently about this same topic the other day, and I encourage you to read the full post. He ends with this “blessing for all the children on the first day of school, and every day thereafter:

May you develop the grit to live in life’s tensions, the confidence to learn from conflict, mistakes, disappointment, failure, loneliness and losing, and the skills to find the fun in every day and the love in every person. In the process may you never fall out of love with learning.

I invite you to share your hopes and dreams for the coming year by commenting below.

Manners, Responsibility, Respect . . . and Pride

Last week we enjoyed a series of special events as a celebration of the year-long All-School Unit, “Water, Water Everywhere!” As our students participated and contributed to these events, they demonstrated manners, responsibility and respect, about which we can all be proud.

On Tuesday, guest speaker Nicole Lyddane shared her experiences working with a project that brings fresh water to villages in Kenya that otherwise suffer from extended dry seasons. (Click here for more information and photos from Kenya.) After her visit, Nicole told me that “the kids were great – they were polite and asked great questions.” We often hear this kind of feedback about our students after field trips and special events. We never tire of hearing it, and I wanted to pass it along to you, as well. Good old fashioned manners.

On Wednesday afternoon, as we gathered for the Raindrop Run, students placed donations for the Kenya project in water jugs. These donations, totaling more than $700, have special meaning because they were not just given to them by adults. Rather, the students earned them by doing chores at home over the past couple of weeks. I encourage you to see the bulletin board on the first floor of the classroom building to see the “raindrops” upon which the students listed their chores. Good old fashioned responsibility.

On Thursday, the entire school took a field trip to the Stroud Preserve, just outside of West Chester. Students explored and discovered even the tiniest life forms that live in and around the creeks. They learned from “Teacher Fred,” the preserve manager, about the importance of stewardship. Fred also shared a special guest – a red-eared slider he had found in the marsh. As I observed our students, I saw them responding positively to the expectation that they respect the plants and animals in the preserve – leaving them be so that life can flourish. Good old fashioned respect.

These special events served to bring the whole school together in celebration of our All-School theme. As I reflect on the past week, I am greatly appreciative of the teachers who planned and carried off these meaningful events. And for the students manners, responsibility and respect, I feel a great sense of pride. Good old fashioned pride.

(For pictures from the Raindrop Run and Stroud Preserve, see the slide show to the right.)

Diversity Dialogue

Almost the instant that the invitation went out for the "Open Dialogue on Diversity" last month, it became clear to me that the evening would be productive. The first RSVPs came in quickly and several people expressed how much they were looking forward to the program. I also heard from some who wished they could attend and would be interested to hear how it went. Clearly, diversity was a topic that members of this school community were interested in talking about.

It was a very good turnout on February 9, as more than 25 gathered in the social room. As we went around the circle with introductions, the diversity of the group itself was notable. In addition to the visible differences of gender, age and color, the group included current parents, alumni parents, teachers, administrators, board members, and meeting members. As the discussion progressed, we also learned of different ethnic backgrounds, religions and family structures among us.

As the facilitator, John Scardina established an environment in which participants comfortably shared their perspectives and experiences, despite the fact that most did not know each other all that well before coming into the social room just minutes before. That, in and of itself, made the evening a success for me. And now we plan to build in that success by taking what was shared and moving on to next steps.

Over the course of the evening, the group was asked to respond to three overarching questions:
"When you hear the word diversity, what other words come to mind?"
"What are the strengths of the WCFS community in regards to diversity?"
"What challenges face our community with regards to diversity?"

I invite you to read the responses that have been transcribed from the chart paper by clicking here.

Reading these brief notes (originally captured on chart paper) is hardly the same as hearing them in person in the context of the discussion. I hope, however, that you can still get a good sense of the joys and concerns that were lifted up. In the spirit of "open dialogue," I will let you draw your own conclusions and will refrain from offering my own comments, except to say how affirmed I felt by the strengths and how appreciative I am of the willingness of participants to respectfully name the challenges.

The open dialogue continues with our next meeting tomorrow evening, Wednesday, March 9, at 7:00 in the Social Room. All interested are invited, whether or not you were able to attend last month. We will identify themes from last month's discussion and split into groups, with each group creating actions steps for each theme. We will then follow up with meetings in April and May and plan for work that we know will continue into next school year, and the next, and the next . . . because diversity work is never finished.

Snow Day Thoughts

I hope this finds you well on this beautiful* snowy day. The forecaster I was listening to certainly got it wrong this time! I have come in from shoveling the driveway for the second time, and I know I'll be out there again trying to stay on top of the accumulation. The kids are still in their pajamas, determined to stay that way all day, but I also suspect we will all go outside to play in the snow later on. I hope this unexpected day off has some fun in store for you, too.

Snow shoveling is one of those activities that leaves your mind free to wander, and my mind went back to yesterday when I was visiting kindergarten. Teacher Michelle was reminding the class of our All-School Unit theme of water, all that they had learned about it earlier in the fall, and making the connections to the snow that is all around us now that it is winter. They were beginning an experiment to see what happens to a scoop of snow when it is brought inside and making observations. "I see snow flakes." "I see a branch sticking out." "I see water." I wonder what they learned about the relationship of the various forms of water as they continued to observe.

I much prefer this form of water to a cold rain. I called it "beautiful" before, and I do find it to be that. But I was also aware as I was shoveling that it requires more work than rain and that, come a warming trend, it becomes a very unattractive, slushy, muddy mess. But for now, it is laying a thick, soft and clean blanket over the earth. And it is beautiful.

I know that the students in our upper grades came home yesterday with some homework that will be due tomorrow. But I have another assignment for you all: go outside and enjoy the snow!