September 11 Remembrance

The view from the pediatrics ward on the fourth floor of the hospital that Tuesday morning was of what I have come to know as “a beautiful Chester County day.” Rolling green hills lay beneath a clear blue sky. The scene provided welcome respite from the stress of having our five-day-old daughter admitted the previous evening to be treated for a jaundice-related issue – a somewhat common condition that did not seem so common to these novice parents. It was only the fourth day of school in my first year as Head of School, but I felt comfortable being with my wife, Melinda, and our daughter knowing that the school was in good hands.

A nurse walked into the room and turned on the television, saying, “You have to see this.” The North Tower of the World Trade Center had been hit by an airplane. Melinda encouraged me to go to school, but I replied that this was happening far enough away that it wouldn’t affect us. Then the second tower was hit.

When I arrived at school minutes later, the administrative team was already gathered in my office and well into developing a plan to handle the situation in our school. Maintaining a mood of calm was imperative. Adults were given space to gather and process the events while taking precautions against sharing information or their reactions with the children, knowing that the manner in which we conducted ourselves would go a long way toward how the children responded.

Several parents arrived on campus throughout the day to check on their children. Some planned to take their children home, but none did. Seeing and feeling the sense of calm and normalcy, they chose to have their children remain, and many of them remained, as well.

The parents who stayed at school joined the teachers and students (except for pre-k and kindergarten, who had a half day) as we gathered in the meeting house before dismissal. I spoke with the children to provide a bare outline of the events in New York, Washington, and Shanksville – at least as we knew them at the time – so that they would not be caught unaware by bits of information that might emerge on their trips home. I asked everyone to hold the victims and the people who had done these acts in the Light and we settled into silent worship.

A letter went home with every child explaining to parents how we had handled the day and how we would continue to address the issue in school. The letter also contained suggestions from John Scardina for how parents might discuss the issue with their children, as they would be taking on the burden of explanation and comfort.

I share this remembrance of September 11, 2001, for a few reasons. First, it is a part of our school’s history that so few of you know, since all but six of our families have joined the school since that time. More importantly, I share this story because of what it says about a precious quality of this school – namely, the child-centered thoughtfulness with which we approach even the most difficult of situations – and because our experience in 2001 informs how we are handling the anniversary ten years later.

The faculty has affirmed that it is most appropriate that we not mark the anniversary in any way. As adults, we mourn the thousands of lives lost, and honor those who responded to the crisis and have dedicated themselves to improving our security since then. Our children, however, are simply too young. Most of them were not even born at the time and, while some may know of the attacks, none of them are fully capable of processing the feelings of uncertainty and fear that would inevitably come from focusing on the event. While the teachers will not be bringing up the subject, we recognize that a child may. Should this occur, the teachers are prepared to address the issue in a manner appropriate to the setting and the ages of their students.

Parents may also want to be prepared to answer questions that children may ask. Some of the advice that John Scardina shared in the letter to parents on September 11, 2001, remains helpful today:

• Limit the amount of information you share to a level appropriate to your own child's age and development.
• Accept your child's feelings for what they are – they may show a wide range of reactions, and your willingness to sit with them and not edit those feelings will be of most help.

To these, I would add that we should monitor our children’s access to all forms of media. Television and radio programs are already on the air, some which include raw footage and detailed descriptions. If you must have the television or radio on, watch and listen together, and do not hesitate to turn it off.

Finally, I recommend these short articles on the KidsHealth from Nemours (A. I. duPont Hospital for Children) web site: How to Talk to Your Child About the News, and Remembering September 11. This second article is written for kids and is appropriate for some of our older students. Parents will find it helpful, too.