What a Way to Start the Day, the Week, the Year

Every week at West Chester Friends School begins with a celebration of community called “Gathering.” All of the students and teachers form a circle in the schoolyard and greet each other by shaking hands and saying, “Good morning,” with those on either side. Children are encouraged to include their friends’ names and to smile. You can feel the mood lift when there are smiles passing around the circle.

Next, students from each class share a highlight from the previous week or their anticipation of something in the current week. This week, for example, fourth grade announced their Word of the Week (it’s “cygnet,” which means “a young swan”), fifth grade told us that homework had begun, third grade welcomed a new student, second grade shared that they learned a card game to help with math facts, first grade announced that they are making their doves, and kindergarten proclaimed, “Kindergarten is fun!”

The greeting and sharing are elements from the Morning Meeting, an aspect of Responsive Classroom which happens in the kindergarten through fifth grade classrooms every morning (pre-kindergarten introduces these elements later in the year).

Children whose birthdays are coming up in the week hear their name called and receive the well wishes of everyone in the circle. Announcements are then made. These range from reminders of upcoming events to recognition of a job well done. Finally, we sing a song – an uplifting way to transition into the rest of the day.

With this being the first week of school, T. Rege arranged for Sage Larsen ’13 to perform a song that has a wonderful story behind it. Five years ago, when Ellie Kerns ’11 was in first grade studying the Civil Rights Movement with T. Connie, she wrote the song, “Stand Your Ground.” She and her classmates performed the song at Gathering that year, and we have enjoyed it from time to time since then. This summer, Ellie and Sage attended a week-long band camp, during which they rewrote some of the lyrics, wrote the music, performed and recorded a dvd.

Listen to a version of the song with both girls singing. It was recorded in a studio and includes piano and drums in addition to Sage’s guitar. While you listen carefully to the words, imagine Sage standing in the circle with just her acoustic guitar, singing confidently for all of us.

September 11 Remembrance

The view from the pediatrics ward on the fourth floor of the hospital that Tuesday morning was of what I have come to know as “a beautiful Chester County day.” Rolling green hills lay beneath a clear blue sky. The scene provided welcome respite from the stress of having our five-day-old daughter admitted the previous evening to be treated for a jaundice-related issue – a somewhat common condition that did not seem so common to these novice parents. It was only the fourth day of school in my first year as Head of School, but I felt comfortable being with my wife, Melinda, and our daughter knowing that the school was in good hands.

A nurse walked into the room and turned on the television, saying, “You have to see this.” The North Tower of the World Trade Center had been hit by an airplane. Melinda encouraged me to go to school, but I replied that this was happening far enough away that it wouldn’t affect us. Then the second tower was hit.

When I arrived at school minutes later, the administrative team was already gathered in my office and well into developing a plan to handle the situation in our school. Maintaining a mood of calm was imperative. Adults were given space to gather and process the events while taking precautions against sharing information or their reactions with the children, knowing that the manner in which we conducted ourselves would go a long way toward how the children responded.

Several parents arrived on campus throughout the day to check on their children. Some planned to take their children home, but none did. Seeing and feeling the sense of calm and normalcy, they chose to have their children remain, and many of them remained, as well.

The parents who stayed at school joined the teachers and students (except for pre-k and kindergarten, who had a half day) as we gathered in the meeting house before dismissal. I spoke with the children to provide a bare outline of the events in New York, Washington, and Shanksville – at least as we knew them at the time – so that they would not be caught unaware by bits of information that might emerge on their trips home. I asked everyone to hold the victims and the people who had done these acts in the Light and we settled into silent worship.

A letter went home with every child explaining to parents how we had handled the day and how we would continue to address the issue in school. The letter also contained suggestions from John Scardina for how parents might discuss the issue with their children, as they would be taking on the burden of explanation and comfort.

I share this remembrance of September 11, 2001, for a few reasons. First, it is a part of our school’s history that so few of you know, since all but six of our families have joined the school since that time. More importantly, I share this story because of what it says about a precious quality of this school – namely, the child-centered thoughtfulness with which we approach even the most difficult of situations – and because our experience in 2001 informs how we are handling the anniversary ten years later.

The faculty has affirmed that it is most appropriate that we not mark the anniversary in any way. As adults, we mourn the thousands of lives lost, and honor those who responded to the crisis and have dedicated themselves to improving our security since then. Our children, however, are simply too young. Most of them were not even born at the time and, while some may know of the attacks, none of them are fully capable of processing the feelings of uncertainty and fear that would inevitably come from focusing on the event. While the teachers will not be bringing up the subject, we recognize that a child may. Should this occur, the teachers are prepared to address the issue in a manner appropriate to the setting and the ages of their students.

Parents may also want to be prepared to answer questions that children may ask. Some of the advice that John Scardina shared in the letter to parents on September 11, 2001, remains helpful today:

• Limit the amount of information you share to a level appropriate to your own child's age and development.
• Accept your child's feelings for what they are – they may show a wide range of reactions, and your willingness to sit with them and not edit those feelings will be of most help.

To these, I would add that we should monitor our children’s access to all forms of media. Television and radio programs are already on the air, some which include raw footage and detailed descriptions. If you must have the television or radio on, watch and listen together, and do not hesitate to turn it off.

Finally, I recommend these short articles on the KidsHealth from Nemours (A. I. duPont Hospital for Children) web site: How to Talk to Your Child About the News, and Remembering September 11. This second article is written for kids and is appropriate for some of our older students. Parents will find it helpful, too.

Hopes and Dreams for the New Year

Greetings from West Chester Friends School on this first day of school. I have returned to my office after being a part of classroom visits for children in the Early Childhood classes. Students in grades one through five are snuggly settled into their rooms learning the routines that will guide them through the year. There is a palpable sense of joy among all of them, mixed with a bit of nervous energy. I know their teachers are very happy that they are here and the year is underway.

In our family, as with many families, we have first-day-of-school routines: clothes carefully chosen, backpack thoughtfully packed, and a photo at the front door. Many parents gather here at school as the children line-up, call out wishes of good luck as the students enter the building, and then linger for a while together. Today’s rain dampened the picture-perfect ceremonial quality of the morning, but not the excitement.

Indeed, the start of a new school year is always accompanied by great expectations. As parents and teachers, we want the best for our children. But what is it, exactly, that we expect?

What are your hopes and dreams for your child’s school experience? I encourage all of us to pause and answer this for ourselves today. If you are like me, you hope for joyful learning that strengthens their knowledge and skills. I dream of caring relationships that nurtures their social and emotional growth. This sounds utopian, I know, but I have confidence based upon my experience that all of this will happen for them.

I also know that it won’t be perfect. There will be struggles and frustrations in mastering new concepts and behaviors. There will be inevitable conflicts in relationships. I will cringe instinctively when things don’t go well for them. However, if I’m being honest, I know that my hopes and dreams include these experiences, too. I want my children to feel discomfort, and to face conflict . . . and to develop the resilience to handle such situations. I want them to feel free to take risks, and I want them to make mistakes. Otherwise, they will not truly learn.

One blog that I follow is written by Rick Ackerly, an experienced educator and author of The Genius in Children. Rick wrote eloquently about this same topic the other day, and I encourage you to read the full post. He ends with this “blessing for all the children on the first day of school, and every day thereafter:

May you develop the grit to live in life’s tensions, the confidence to learn from conflict, mistakes, disappointment, failure, loneliness and losing, and the skills to find the fun in every day and the love in every person. In the process may you never fall out of love with learning.

I invite you to share your hopes and dreams for the coming year by commenting below.